EVALUATING RELATIONSHIPS

     We often procrastinate about cleaning out the clutter in our lives. We eventually get to that closet we've been avoiding or the extra bedroom that's somehow turned into a storage facility. But of all the neglected areas that require our attention, the most overlooked by far is our relationships.
     Relationships are one of the most important parts of our life and yet we often turn off our thinking ability and shift to "automatic pilot," pretending our relationships are just fine, they do not require our attention. All relationships require our attention.
     This is a touchy subject as no one wants to think in terms of evaluating relationships. A part of us feels as if we're being disloyal in some way. But we must, from the soul's conscious point of view, evaluate all aspects of our life to see how they affect our overall growth and serenity. This is not a selfish thing to do but rather a healthy idea. When relationships begin to interfere with our peace of mind, we need to look at why this is happening.
     We establish all kinds of relationships throughout life. Family, friends, co-workers, social acquaintances all play a part in making our life full. Welcoming good relationships into our lives is a healthy practice that we want to continue to encourage. But because our subconscious is a creature of habit, we often hang on to relationships that are no longer working and have actually become detrimental. When we realize this is happening, we need to think about what can be done to resolve these issues rather than pretending everything's okay.
Let's be clear that we are not addressing abusive relationships in this article. Truly abusive relationships require immediate intervention and if you find yourself in an abusive situation, get out and get help. These situations will not change on their own.
     Instead the types of relationships we're focusing on here are the ones that have become a habit in our lives and are causing us stress on some level. Have you had this kind of experience? You talk to a friend or family member and walk away feeling disturbed, carrying the conversation with you throughout the rest of your day? Whereas we all have conversations that we may find upsetting from time to time, is this a common occurrence whenever you get together with these individuals? These are the relationships that we need to keep track of and review our interaction.
     Healthy relationships are a win-win situation. We both walk away feeling great from spending time together. We enhance each other's self-confidence and support one another's growth. We treat each other with respect, even if we have differing ideas. Overall these kinds of relationships make excellent companions.
     Negative relationships tend to undermine our self-esteem. They often make us doubt ourselves, questioning our ideas or even our life direction. They may be critical and demanding in some ways and we often walk away from these encounters feeling drained. Whereas all relationships can be demanding at some point, where a good relationship is concerned, these issues can be resolved with communication. With negative relationships we seem to be unable to communicate effectively, leaving both parties feeling as if no one is listening.
     Several factors may come into play here. Sometimes we find ourselves spending time with another person simply because we are related. Unfortunately, just because someone is a family member, this does not guarantee that we will be compatible. We may feel obligated to see this person on a regular basis or even feel guilty when we've been unable to do so. In these kinds of situations, we must keep in mind that when a relationship is creating stress in our lives, it is also creating a level of stress in the other person's as well. It leaves us both feeling uneasy in some way when things don't "fit" well.
     This same kind of situation sometimes occurs with friends we've had over a long period of time and have remained together out of habit. Whereas we may have been compatible when we first met, sharing common interests or similar ways of thinking, sometimes we actually outgrow one another as life moves us in different directions. If our different interests now create an underlying tension producing jealousies and judgments, we need to review this relationship. Remember that both parties feel the pressure when things aren't working.
     When you find yourself in these kinds of relationships, one option may be to downsize our interaction with these individuals. It may still be very enjoyable to have lunch once a month instead of talking with them every week. When we do get together we may want to avoid the subjects that we have differing views on. It is also helpful to keep in mind what our friend or relative is like in their interactions with other people and accept them as they are. If we keep in mind what their personality is like overall, we can counsel our subconscious, our inner child, not to take their comments so personally when they're directing their views at us. Of course we must not allow anyone to verbally abuse us in any way, but are we simply being oversensitive?
     If after reviewing all our relationships, we find that some are simply too destructive and stressful in our life, we must make the difficult decision to let them go. We simply cannot allow our life to be damaged in such a way. And remember, this allows room, both in your life and the other person's as well, to find someone who is more compatible.
One other stressful relationship area can be experienced in our work environment. In this instance, we are not seeking to have a long-term relationship and yet we often carry a stressful co-worker's comments with us when we go home. We need to counsel our subconscious to leave work at work. If there's a problem with a particular person, we need to get conscious and see how we can resolve the issue. But simply carrying it home with us and allowing it to consume our time and energy is detrimental to our life.
     We have many other suggestions on promoting healthy relationships in all of our Arche courses. Please check our schedule and join us for an upcoming program to help make your life the best ever!
      Wishing you the joy of healthy relationships!
    

SANDY DALIEGE

HOMEWORD BOUND

I Lift Up My Eyes to The Father.

Dear Lord,

May I Always Be Open
To The Heavenly Guidance
That Lies Waiting in The Stillness of My Being …

… Ever Present
… Ever Comforting
… Ever Revealing the Next Step of Awareness.

It Urges Me Forward,
Engulfs Me in Love,
Brings Light to My Vision.

Within This Sanctuary of My Being,
I Am Home At Last.

SANDY DALIEGE