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EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
From infancy to adulthood
our need for communication is essential for our growth and development.
Whether it's a baby's first cry or the last whisper of our passing, we
all yearn for a response. We need to be heard. This is a basic necessity
for living; our interaction with others. And although communication is
a natural part of life, our ability to communicate effectively may be
in need of some improvement.
We talk with people every day. At home,
on the job, socially, in person, on the phone, with friends, family or
even strangers. But how good are we at getting our point across? Have
we developed good listening skills? Do your conversations include others,
leaving room for them to join in, or are they exclusively all about you?
Inviting others to share their life stories, opinions and ideas makes
for a fuller conversation, adding to our total life experience.
This may take some practice, but if we've
been used to talking without listening, we're missing out on an important
part of life. Our soul's conscious intervention may be necessary to help
the subconscious change this habit. So let's look at some of the reasons
we may have developed these unproductive habits.
Righteousness is probably the biggest and
most prominent stumbling block to effective communication and often creates
the greatest problems in relationships. We feel we're right and we need
to be heard. Not only that, we need to convince the other person that
they're wrong and hear them admit to that. While it is fine to have our
own opinion on a subject, we must remember that it is equally reasonable
for the other person to have their own, perhaps differing, opinion as
well. Opinions are simply an expression of our ideas from our own individual
perspectives, which sometimes come from opposite ends of the spectrum.
It is simply the view we are able to perceive from at the present time.
For example, if two people are sitting on opposite ends of a room with
a globe of the Earth positioned in the center of the room, and we ask
each one to describe what they see, they would each describe different
parts of the world, different continents. Who would be right? Both of
them! They are simply describing their points of view. So it is reasonable
to expect many different, equally correct opinions on one subject.
But what about when we're determined to
have the last word, to convince the other person that they're wrong? This
kind of thinking usually leads us straight into an argument. Whereas effective
communication is an excellent idea, falling into the mud-slinging attack
of an argument is not. When we are arguing, it simply means we've allowed
our subconscious, that emotional little child within to throw a tantrum.
And it doesn't matter how "civilized" our argument may be, in essence
it's still two kids fighting it out. Have you ever noticed how our vocabulary
even changes, using words we would not normally use in daily conversations?
We have lost control here and need to get conscious to allow our soul
time to think things through constructively. This is the old idea of "count
to ten before you get mad." This allows us time to get conscious and think
before allowing our subconscious to simply respond from its emotional
state.
I am not saying we should suppress our emotions
or be a doormat for other people to walk on, but communication from the
soul's perspective with its ability to be more understanding and compassionate,
instead of judging harshly from our subconscious, will always be more
conducive to fostering good, healthy relationships.
Another point to keep in mind is that it
takes two to argue. Walking away from an argument allows both parties
to cool off. Then when the subconscious has settled down, our soul can
think things through more clearly so that we can actually communicate
about the situation.
Unfortunately arguing has become a normal
way of life for some people as we see reflected in the turmoil on the
planet. It is to our advantage to make a conscious effort to change this
negative behavior and create a more peaceful life for ourselves. Righteousness
and arguments never add to our quality of life. These are destructive
habits that need to be changed. For as far as relationships are concerned,
no one wants to be around a righteous, argumentative person. You may be
right, but you may also find yourself very lonely. Is our subconscious
stubbornness worth the high price we pay?
When we're dealing with relationships we've had over a long period of
time, another issue sometimes comes into play. We often expect long-term
acquaintances to be "mind-readers," as if, simply by being around us for
so long, they should now know what we're thinking. Our thoughts change
so quickly sometimes we're not even clear on what we're thinking, so how
could they know? This is why communication is so vital. I've often heard
people say things like, "He didn't even do this," or "She neglected to
do that." When I've asked them, "Did you ask him or her to do that for
you?" they respond, "Well no, but they should know me by now. They should
know how I like things done." Well how would they know if you've never
told them? Simple things like this can be taken care of so easily with
communication instead of holding grudges for weeks, months or even years.
And finally, when communicating with others,
we must remember to treat one another with respect. Realize that we're
often dealing with another person's subconscious, and when we understand
it from that point of view we can use more patience, repetition, compassion
and love in our communication, just as we would with a small child. For
we all deserve to be treated with kindness and respect and when we're
able to express from this spiritual point of view, we are extending our
soul's essence of Divine Love to another, helping us grow even further
on our spiritual path.
We've only touched the surface on developing this most important skill,
which is essential to contributing to your quality of life. You'll find
your relationships have never been better when you make an effort to communicate
more effectively. So join us for our next Arche program and commit to
making this your best life.
Wishing you the fulfillment that comes from effective communication!
SANDY DALIEGE
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